COMPLAINTS CHOIR, UMSHINI WAN & THE WRONG FERRARI

NOT GOING TO THE ROYAL WEDDING OR THE LOGIES? CAN’T WAIT FOR JAMES TO REVIEW PAUL?

Review by: Jade

Well that’s ok, you’re not the only one. While Yumi dresses up as zombie bride in honour of Kate & Will, and James practices his best twirls for the Logies red carpet, I am with blankie watching films. Here’s 2.5 random films all related to music.

MOANERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

Complaints Choir

Complaints Choir is a documentary about a Finnish couple Tellervo & Oliver Kalleinen who set about establishing Complaints Choirs around the world.

So what is a Complaints Choir? It’s a ridiculous yet therapeutic forum to release frustration. Or simply put, it’s where disgruntled and whiny people go to vent and share their complaints with other moaners, which are in turn used as lyrics for a bitching song.

And as someone who often uses the expressions: “I’m writing a letter of a complaint” and “Excuse me who is your manager I want to talk to them” – I felt it was only appropriate I finally check out this film.

The film tries to dig deeper and investigate what is complaining? Why do people complain? Is it bad for you? But I’m not convinced I walked away with any of the answers.

I thought this film was going to be humorous and fun, but with two deadpan Finns at the realm, I was never going to be rolling around on the floor. Even the music score by Danish producer / DJ Trentemoeller is pretty dark and depressing.

It’s insightful and thought provoking but mostly disappointing. There’s half a story here with no real ending. Uh oh. I’m complaining about complainers. Perfect.

RATING: 2.5  Stars
SUMMARY: Room of whingers write song 

SEE IT IF: You’ve ever thought of writing a letter of complaint

http://www.complaintschoir.org

FULL FOKKEN FLEX

Umshini Wan (aka Bring Me My Machine Gun)

Umshini Wan / Bring Me My Machine Gun is the latest work from controversial writer and director Harmony Korine (yes, that sick f*** who wrote KIDS, GUMMO & KEN PARK).

This short film debuted at the SXSW Music & Film Festival in Austin, Texas this year and features South African music sensations Die Antwoord, who were in Australia at the start of the year on the Big Day Out festival.

To appreciate this short film, you need to know who the hell Die Antwoord are. The South African trio exploded onto the music scene last year with people wondering if they were a joke band taking the piss. It turns out they are the real deal.

Ninja and Yo-Landi Vi$$er are the MC / rappers of the group and the main stars of Korine’s short film. The band’s DJ, DJ Hi-Tek doesn’t feature in the film but is still responsible for it’s sik beats.

The band are relatively mysterious and remain somewhat of an enigma. In this short Ninja and Yo-Landi play themselves and at times you really feel like perhaps you are getting a real insight into their wacky life and unique relationship. It’s fascinating to watch.

I was intrigued and entertained and not just by the characters. The film is interesting, looks amazing and is beautifully directed with a score that creates the perfect tone. It definitely does the band and it’s brand justice. Die Antwoord + Korine = match made in heaven.

RATING: 4 Stars
SUMMARY: Bonnie & Clyde for the noughties    

SEE IT IF: You love Die Antwoord

http://www.vbs.tv/watch/umshini-wam--2/umshini-wam

TOO MANY WRONGS DON’T MAKE IT RIGHT

The Wrong Ferrari 

The Wrong Ferarri is an insight into what the cool kids in NYC do in their spare time: Get high on ketamine and make a film with iPhones. FUN!

King of the indie rockers, Adam Greene (The Moldy Peaches) recruits his favourite hipsters (also known as "faggots" in this film) to star alongside him in this awesome little mess. Macauly Culkin joins musicians Lightspeed Champion, Har Mar Superstar, Devandra Banhart and Pete Doherty - who pretty much stars as himself - a wasted muso canoodling a wall. 

It's lo-fi, grungy and raw - well der, it's shot on iPhones. The acting is laughable. But this is actually what's cool about it. It's one of those so bad it's good type of films. It's hilarious. It's stupid. It's trippy. And it makes no sense at all. It's a film that has you thinking the entire time - "why?", "how?", "are they messed up now?", "what is this about?", "what's with nintendo?", "when will this finish?", "is that really Adam Greene's penis?". And yes apparently it really is.

Greene's manager also stars in the film - naked. And topless in a bath with him. Cool!

This film is shithouse. But it's still entertaining. Take Adam Greene's advice: “I’m encouraging people to download it, put it on the TV, and turn off the lights. It’s not a fucking YouTube clip. Watch it like a movie".

RATING: 1 star
SUMMARY: High musos make a movie 

SEE IT IF: You have a spare tab of acid OR Live in Surry Hills

http://www.thewrongferarri.com/

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THOR

THE SUBTEXT OF THOR:  EVERYONE HATES SAM WORTHINGTON

Review By: Yumi

There’s another lengthy swords and sandals epic from 2004 called 'Alexander' which opens with a scene where Sir Anthony Hopkins explains tedious plot details for approximately 20 minutes.  That scene made me instantly hate the film 'Alexander' although Colin Farrell and Angelina Jolie as his Mom provided plenty more reasons later in that film.

I have a theory about Anthony Hopkins, a known alcoholic who was at his most ruddy during the amazingly crap 'Zorro' (1998)*.   My theory is that Anthony Hopkins is shit.  His drinking/non drinking status at present is unknown to me, but while I don't think he was a better actor when he was heaps pissed in the nineties, but he was definitely less uninteresting.

Getting back to 'Thor' - our friend Sir Anthony Hopkins opens the film with an interminable scene in which he explains plot points to which we never return.  It's hard for the film to recover from such a deluge of boring, but star Chris Hemsworth is hot and that goes quite a long way.  Oh, ten points for a cameo from Jeremy Renner at the halfway mark.  Hot also!  

Bad news is that Chris Hemsworth spends less than one whole minute shirtless and that Sir Anthony Hopkins has at least four more films in pre or post-production.  Just retire, buddy!

Natalie Portman is unreal in the part of Jane, resident scientist and little skerrick of credibility for the film 'Thor’.  Thor's real, true love is for his hammer, which he ADORES, but he fancies Natalie a little bit too, and she delivers her lines without any sarcasm whatsoever.

Anyway, I did some pondering and got to thinking about what 'Thor' really is about.  Part of it is a success story of this likeable Australian actor, Chris Hemsworth, and the simultaneous growth of his status as an actor and a leading man and the growth of his amazing muscles, and that's nice because we all like muscles and we all like success stories, especially Aussie ones, right?  Except I have a question: Wouldn't a natural extrapolation of this story be a comparison of Hemsworth's success with another Aussie guy who made it big in Hollywood, Sam Worthington?  Both muscly hunks, both in big budget, slightly stupid epics (that we like), and yet everyone seems to be running a mile from comparing one to the other.  Why?

The true subtext of 'Thor' is that everyone in Hollywood hates Sam Worthington.

* (If you care to waste $3.50 and an hour of your life, take a look at 'Zorro' and you'll see Hannibal Lecter barely able to focus on his goblet.  He sobered up for a while after that.)

STARS: 2 stars

SUMMARY: Natalie Portman is pretty good

WHO SHOULD SEE IT: 14 year old boys & James

RELEASE DATE: 21 April 2011 

SCREAM 4

CRAVEN ANOTHER BLOODY SEQUEL?
Review By: James


Its hard not to wonder if this is really necessary. I mean, the original Scream was pretty awesome. It took the piss out the whole history of horror and won. It was smart, it was funny and perhaps best of all Drew Barrymore gets gutted like a fish 15 minutes in. (Seriously, its the only way to get her to shut up.) But just like any slasher film that does pretty well, you have to find a way to turn it into a sequel, and then a trilogy, and if you can, just keep going. And going and going. I think they just made SAW 7 last year. SEVEN! How crazy is that? Crazier still, that cash cow has grossed something like $800 million dollars, but proves that if you suck on a teet long enough, eventually all that's going to come out is puss.  

So despite the let downs of the two previous Scream sequels, someone in Hollywood  who gets paid to come up with new and exciting cinema ideas suggested "Its the ten year anniversary of the first film, so what about....wait for it... Scream 4" and after some awkward silence, Bob Weinstein shat his pants at the idea and the money he could make. And he would not be alone. The other man to shit himself with excitement in that meeting was the agent of David Arquette's, who realised, for the first time in a long time, that he could finally call David and offer him something other than a WWE SMACKDOWN event. 

And there is the story of how Scream 4 got made. (Please do not wikipedia that. It'll only be embarrassing for you.) But that's not the point, the point is that all your favourites from the Scream trilogy are back!!  Sidney, Dewey, Monica from friends and of course.... Ghostface Killer!

 No not that one.

This one.

And he has the same lust for the sweet, sweet blood of cheerleaders. (But seriously, who doesn't?) Neve Cambell is also back as Sidney Prescot, still angry at herself for doing Wild Things, she returns to her home town of Woodsboro as a writer, a decade after the killings stopped to promote her book, and lo and behold, the murderous rampage start AGAIN. Oopsy!! Why didn't you just stay away Neve? Why? Oh you did. For ages. Weren't you even in an episode of Medium? It looked heaps like you hey.

Anyway, it looks like Sidney herself is the main suspect which means David "God darnit I'm just so perpetually confused" Arquette has to try and sort out this bloody mess. The town gets suspicious of Sidney from here on its its pretty much back to formula from here, (stab, stab, twist, red herring!! stab, cute outfit! joke, stab, TWIST) but director Wes Craven keeps it smart enough and funny enough to make sure that we don't descend into the complete shlock of the last two movies. 

Did I laugh? TICK.

Did I squirm uncomfortably? TICK.

What more can a slasher film ask? (Apart from maybe "Did you get a boner?" Ummm. gross. That’s disgusting I can't believe you even asked me that.)

In the end, there is so much self-referential stuff and nodding humour that the whole thing is kind of a clever commentary on not just modern horror films, but Hollywood, and the use of violence as exploitation. Either that, or its just an excuse to see pretty Emma Roberts getting blood all over her brand new sweater.

SIDENOTE - I'm just not sure how hard it would be to solve this crime anyway. Did you see the knife the killers wielding? You can't just buy that shit at Barbeques Galore. That's not the sort of blade mum has in her Wiltshire block. That's a top of the range, super pricey chefs knife. It slices through small intestine like warm butter. Your first step in the investigation would be simply locking up all the head chefs in Woodsboro. They're your prime suspects, that ought to stop the slaughter. And even if it doesn't, it’s no great loss. The food there is TERRIBLE.

STARS: 3.5 Stars

SUMMARY: Better than the last two

WHO SHOULD SEE IT: Cheerleaders, Chefs, David Arquette fans

RELEASE DATE: In Cinemas Now

MEET THE FOCKERS. I MEAN FAMILY.

YEY! The Cheap Seats are go!

Before we give you the full low down on what the hell The Cheap Seats is, I’m going to introduce you to the family behind it.

James Mathison (he comes first, purely out of alphabetical order in case you’re wondering) is most well known for hosting 7pm Project and Australian Idol. Back in the Idol days everyone thought James and his co-host Andrew Gunsberg came as a package deal. But little did they know, Yumi Stynes was actually his real television soul mate.

James after seeing The Hudsucker Proxy

James and his buddy Brian watching Toy Story 3

Yumi Stynes is known as the brash, outspoken and hilariously funny co-host of The Circle (she’s the “young, cool” host or half-Asian “ethnic” one – take your pick) who can also be seen on music channel MAX.

Yumi doing her best Macauly Culkin impersonation

Yumi’s reaction after watching The Human Centipede

James & Yumi first worked together in 2000 when they were both hand-picked as two people who could talk shit in a presenter search for music channel, Channel [V]. The two of them have done everything from form a short-lived comical Asian band to hosting red carpet events. They’ve argued over everything from movies to music and who they would rather sleep with – Mel Gibson or Ray Martin.

They both have a love of film and movies and have both dabbled in and around it for many years. They have reviewed films, been to the premiere of films, and interviewed an array of film stars and directors (if anyone knows how to junket, it’s James and Yumi).

James was an adult film reviewer for a short time (seriously) and made a cameo in Aussie flick BoyTown. And Yumi cemented her knowledge of film by becoming MAX’s resident film reviewer and also hosting the IF Awards broadcast on SBS.

They are both passionate and honest when it comes to their opinions and insights. Not to mention hilariously funny (ok I’m bias). They’re not afraid to battle it out with each other in the hope of proving the other wrong. But most importantly they are YOUR buddies. The ones you can count on when you need to know what film to see (or avoid).

Well who am I, I don’t hear you asking? I’m Jade and along with John, we’re the body doubles for James & Yumi. We’re not quite as good looking as them. And not quite as funny. But we love movies too.

Here's where I do the shameless plug and tell you all to check back here and also start following us on twitter and facebook! Cause coming up...

WTF IS THE CHEAP SEATS?

THE RANDOM FILMS PEOPLE WITH NO LIVES WATCH ON THE WEEKEND

FILMS FOR JESUS AND THE EASTER BUNNY