PAUL

Finally…

Review by: James

Alien films fall into two categories. They end up being either the greatest films EVER made e.g. Predator, Alien/s, Starship Troopers, Close Encounters, ET, My Stepmother is an Alien OR they fall into the basket of films so bad, you would happily fetch the vaseline for your own anal probe rather than have to sit through them: Signs, The Chronicles of Riddick, Skyline, Meet Dave, Alien Vs Predator and Species I,II,III and IV (Can you believe they made 4 of those fucking things? But not a single sequel to Top Gun? Jesus. Priorities guys!)

PAUL, cinemas latest extra terrestrial offering, somehow dodges both camps and finds its way squarely in the no mans land that is mediocrity. Not bad, not great, sort of funny but not actually.

After the success of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, Simon Pegg did some fairly questionable Hollywood films (What's the one where he is fat and has to run a lot? It was like an ep of The Biggest Loser) but here he reunites with buddy Nick Frost for a back to basics Brit-fish out of water bromance. They play sci-fi loving, comic reading nerds, on a roadtrip across America. As part of their ET fascination, they visit famous UFO crash sites where people claim to have contact with aliens, when, NO WAY!! they actually meet one on their travels. What are the odds? Enter computer generated comedy Alien (with the voice of Seth Rogen) Paul, who needs their help. He is on the run from the Government operatives who want to smash him open like a crab.

YUM!! You know it Harry!!

Secret government agents, explosions, car chases across the dessert... It rolls along like some distorted version of cannonball run.  But Burt Reynolds is Simon Pegg and Farrah Fawcett is an alien. Actually, that’s a terrible example. Do kids even know what the fuck Cannonball Run is?  That movie came out over 30 years ago, and they legally let people into nightclubs who were born in 1992. How is that even possible?  Fully grown humans that were born in 1992!! That’s just stupid. So on second thoughts, Cannonball Run is not such a great example. It’s too ancient. Plus to be honest, this movie bears very little resemblance to Cannonball Run. Except that Farrah Fawcett IS an alien.

The whole thing is sort of pleasant without being memorable. They best bits are the self referential geek jokes, the gay nerd subtext and a cameo from Sigourney Weaver, who at 62 still looks hotter than a $10 stereo. I wonder what it is with all these actresses who manage to stay totally sexy despite being as old as everyone I knows mum.  Impressive, but strangely freakish at the same time. Oh dear Yumi, My word count is crying out for a TOP 5...Can't. Hold out. Any.Longer....

TOP 5 Most Chronically Bangable Actresses Over 60

1. Goldie Hawn. She's still pretty smoking. Or is it her daughter that’s really hot? I'm pretty sure I can't tell the difference.

2. Kim Bassinger. You'd totally have a go and then tell everybody.

3. Hellen Mirren. You would, but probably wouldn't tell everybody.

4. Sigourney Weaver. Have you SEEN the deltoids on her? 

5. Dame Judy Dench. Nuff said.

Look, to be honest, its a bit of fun, I just felt a bit let down at the end. Like when you try to jerk off in bed when you're really drunk. In the end I think my biggest problem is that it’s honestly pretty hard to watch the CGI alien do these jokes and not visualise Seth Rogen. Just like it’s pretty hard to watch a new Seth Rogen film and not visualise the chubby Seth Rogen, who I totally prefer. Is it wrong for me to like Seth Rogen more when he was fat? When he was tubby he reminded me of the guy who used to work in the computer section of Harvey Norman at the Moore Park Super centre. Helpful, smiley, dorky, and just a hint of possible sex pest. And who doesn't like a guy like that?

Stars: 3

Summary: Pottymouth ET with an RV OR  Seth Rogen needs more pies 

Who should see it: Guys who work behind the counter at an EB games store.