CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

U-S-A!! U-S-A!!!

Review by: James

This year, it feels like too many of the movies I’ve watched at the cinema are just comic adaptations. It has been an onslaught of comic book character films -  The Green Hornet, X-Men: First Class, Thor and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never.

Luckily, the standard overall has been pretty good, but I do wonder if we are veering a little close to burn out. There’s only so much superhero stuff that people can take before the backlash begins. But before that happens, let’s take a moment to realise how lucky we are that things are this bright. Think back just a few years, and you’ll recall that for the comic book superhero genre, things got really, really, really bad. Remember the filthy depths of bong resin we were subject to?

Oh dear.

Top 5 worst comic adaptations (The Golden Era 1997-2007)

5. Daredevil.

Its weird, they cast Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner and Colin Farrell as the leads and it still didn’t work.

4. Catwoman.

Halle Berry makes a bad Best Actress decision. Even if she returns the Oscar, and shows you her boobs again, it still won’t make up for this film crime.

3. Ghostrider.

So bad, it could be Nicholas Cage’s worst film. I know!!

2. Batman and Robin.

Responsible for the career deaths of Alicia Silverstone and Chris O’Donnell. So maybe it’s not so bad.

1. Elektra.

Every Christmas, thank Santa that you never saw this cinematic Chernobyl.

Of course there have been comic book films worse than these, the 80’s and early 90’s is littered with corpses (Captain America even had its first go in 1990. Not good.) 

But the more recent abominations prove how quickly things have turned around. Thank god for Marvel Studios, they’ve almost single-handedly restored the genre, and Captain America: The First Avenger sees them stay the course.  Sort of.  A touch better than The Incredible Hulk, on par with Thor, but nowhere near Iron Man. 

The First Avenger sees weedy but honest Steve Rogers, (a CGI scrawny Chris Evans), get recruited by the army to be part of an experiment to create the super soldier. Hand picked because of his pure heart, they put him into a tanning bed, twist some knobs and he come out a few minutes later looking like a man raised on a diet of steroids and Fitness First memberships. MEGA BUFF!!!  Taller, faster and with super human athleticism, (think a white Ben Johnson circa 1998) He transforms into Captain America, which is cool, but from this point on in the cinema I develop a strong sense that I have very little idea what is going on, but I also have a stronger sense that it no longer matters. It’s something about our hero locating and destroying secret factories that convert mystical energy into Nazi powered laser guns (of course!!). Everything moves along so fast that it’s hard not to get swept up in it all, as our brave Captain tries to destroy Redskull (played by an excellent Hugo Weaving) while attempting to bone his English Rose love interest (played by generic attractive brunette – aka Hayley Atwell).

Ultimately, the movie floats because square jawed Chris Evans could only have been more perfect as Captain America if he was also an NFL quarterback who is dating Reese Witherspoon. And secondly, having Rogers chosen for the job because of his essential goodness, not his ability or bravado, ensures that even before he becomes a hero, were rooting for him.  The movie, like Captain America himself, is well meaning, highly attractive, not hugely interesting, but worth a go. And for those of you who had any lingering doubt about the United States being the greatest fucking country on earth, you can go shove it. Captain America proves that USA is still number one! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! What colour is freedom? Excuse me? Of course you would ask that you bleeding heart, commie-loving lefty asshole. Go help your wife with her shopping. U-S-A!!!!!!

(If you’re playing at home, the colour of freedom is Red, White and Blue).

3 STARS

SYNOPSIS: America Rules!!! Shield chucking fun.

WHO SHOULD SEE IT: Skinny guys, Americans.

RELEASE DATE: In cinemas now 

Additional Notes from Jade: I also saw the film with James. We saw it in 3D and to be honest I spent the first 25 minutes of the film trying to figure out if my 3D glasses were working. The 3D in this film is pretty pathetic and not really worth the worry. However I was impressed that the glasses were multi-ethnic fitting - that's right they actually fit very nicely on an Asian's face despite the fact Asian's have no real nose bridge and generally need to wear glasses on their cheeks. 

I didn't think Hugo Weaving was that great. In fact his German accent sucked balls. Why can't actors do good German accents unless they actually are German? 

James is right - it's better than Hulk. But not better than Iron Man. Although I am not a comic book nerd (and apologies to all those comic book nerds, because I know you hate being called nerds), I know this is the lead in film to The Avengers (also because if you stay for the long credits you are rewarded with a teaser from the next instalment starring Samuel L Jackson and Robert Downey Jr). It does feel like Captain America is simply the set up for The Avengers - which I think looks awesome! Iron Man standard. My friend Sam is a comic book nerd and I couldn't help but wonder what he would have thought of this film. He was probably grumbling and dissatisfied - that's kinda Sam's vibe. 

I also had the misfortune of seeing The Green Hornet recently. I love Michel Gondry - and prior to this film, I have loved every music video and film he has directed. He is a brilliant director and I love his vision. But I guess every great director succumbs to the Hollywood big budget piece of shit at some point in their career. And this is Gondry's. 

Basically The Green Hornet is the story of a rich pratt who becomes the owner / publisher of a newspaper after the sudden death of his father. Fast-forward and he becomes a masked vigilante fighting crime. Cameron Diaz plays the token hot female. 

Seth Rogen plays the son who is so unlikeable and punishing - even when you're suppose to come around and like him in the end, you don't. The only word that I could think of was "yuck". What a punisher. Not funny. Still arrogant. 

The film is a cross between Billy Madison and Kick-Ass but without the humour of Adam Sandler and without the awesomeness of Nicholas Cage. 

It's by no means close to the calibre of Iron Man or even Captain America. It's a watered down, boring take on a superhero film. And it just makes me hate Seth Rogen's guts. He was way better when he liked pies.